Shock. Fear. Adapting. Letting go. Accepting. Resilient. Tired. Saddened. Unmotivated. Lonely. Hopeful. Proud. Grateful. These are just a few of the words that describe the range of feelings many of us have experienced in the last 18 months.
And here we are in Year Two! None of us would have imagined this. In many ways we have done well. We have survived! We have shown resilience and adapted to everything from toilet paper shortages to wearing masks every day.
Yet, deep within us we you can feel the urge for something more than resilience and surviving. You can feel something missing. Surviving has been necessary. But thriving is what we long for.
The arc of humanity has included periods of surviving. But there is an instinctual desire within us to metaphorically 'move out from the harbour and to explore open water'.
In so many ways we are explorers and creators. Growth and a sense of moving forward is where we thrive. Having the freedom and agency to ask new questions. Taking risks. Innovating. What is missing is our lives these days is our need to thrive and grow.
What Does ‘Thriving’ Mean to You?
When I ask people this question I hear a lot of commonality in their responses. Words like growth, moving forward, flourishing, happiness, healthy, prosperous, hope, confidence, agency or a sense of control, determined, proud, connected, respected and even words like light-hearted, open and positive.
These words describe us at our best. And just like having a healthy and productive garden, a sense of thriving and flourishing in people doesn’t happen by accident.
First, What Gets in the Way of Thriving?
Well, clearly adversity, difficulty, unwelcome change or a lack of resources will limit us. But only for a short-term, until we figure out a way through the challenges we face.
What limits us more is our mind. Our default setting is Autopilot (not mindful) and we tend to get stuck in our routines. We also tend to over fixate on our problems. This ‘negativity bias’ is our inherent tendency to pay more attention to ‘threats’, than to notice and appreciate ‘rewards’. While it has served us well over the millennia, it tends to keep us in a narrow perspective where we have trouble stepping outside of our comfort zone and growing.
Three Ways to Move Back to Thriving
1. Find Ways to ‘Fill Your Sails with Wind’. Think of it like a sailboat. It would be hard to argue that keeping water from leaking into the hull is important. But once you are sure the hull is secure, there is more to having a sailboat than being safely anchored at port. The goal of sailing is to move out of the harbour, fill the sails with wind and explore. That is the rush that makes sailing awesome.
As you rise in the morning, shift your mindset from ‘getting through the day’ to one of intentionally looking for things that ‘fill your sails with wind’ – at work and at home. Even a shift in perspective or finding new meaning in some of our regular activities can bring renewed energy and a sense of thriving.
Obviously, I mean in ways that respect public health orders and our changing context – but I’m here to remind you that you have far more potential to thrive than you realize, despite our context! And that it is important for all of us.
2. Focus on What is Essential. I regularly write about Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism. Why? Essentialism as a philosophy just makes sense.
Staying with the sailing metaphor, let’s assume you have charted a course for the day and have a clear destination in mind. As you leave port, the goal isn’t to sail this way and that and go wherever the wind blows you. To reach your destination by nightfall you need to have clarity and focus.
Essentialism reminds us to simplify our life and focus all of our energy on the few things that matter. Thriving is only possible when our energy is focused and pointed toward a few goals.
3. Change Your Thoughts. Because of our negativity bias, most of us will have more negative thoughts in our day than positive ones. Often three to four times as many. We need to acknowledge and accept this unconscious tendency. It’s just who we are. That said, we still have a choice as to what we do about it. And it is virtually impossible to thrive when your mind is dominated by stressful or negative thoughts.
According to Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., a lead scholar in positive psychology, we need to intentionally flip this balance such that we have 3:1 positive thoughts or feelings for every negative thought or feeling. For most of us, we will have to consciously practice this. Here are two practical ways that work:
a) Stop complaining! Your brain will still have negative thoughts, but you can notice them and choose not to indulge in them. When you notice a negative thought, quickly try to see things from a different perspective or simply shift your focus to something more positive. Reducing the number of negative thoughts and feelings is a choice we can make, and it has a huge impact on our ability to thrive.
b) Practice gratitude. While you could consciously cultivate and practice any number positive feelings, gratitude is still one of the easiest to access and provides an enormous benefit to our mind and world view.
How About You?
The past year has shown us that we are resilient. That we can survive a global pandemic. But now we are in Year Two. Where could you benefit from getting back to thriving? What would that look like for your team or your organization?
To learn more about the Moving From ‘Surviving’ to ‘Thriving’ in a COVID-19 World webinar and how practical tools in the areas of mindfulness, neuroscience and ancient wisdom are helping the clients I serve to thrive, please book a time to connect HERE or email me at scott@mindfulwisdom.ca. I’d love to support you and your people towards thriving in the days ahead!