You would think it would be a good thing that we live in a world of comfort, where our most basic needs are readily met (food, warmth, shelter). On top of this, many of our “wants” are only a click away; entertainment, shopping, news and more. But, if you ever find yourself wanting to eat something, even though you’re not really hungry, or check your phone, even though you just started to focus on work, you are noticing a consequence of having too much comfort.
What’s Going On?
In a word - dopamine. For our ancient ancestors, dopamine was important to help them survive in a world of scarcity, where “rewards” that fostered survival were rare. Dopamine motivated us to keep looking for food, a mate and security. Tthe pleasure we feel when we eat chocolate is dopamine plugging into our brain’s receptors, which drives our behaviour to seek out calorie-dense food like chocolate and eat more. Today, we are surrounded by dopamine-rich rewards like: scrolling, shopping, sugar, chips, binge watching, coffee, alcohol, news, to name just a few.
But most of don’t realize that dopamine is also intrinsically linked to pain. In her book Dopamine Nation, psychiatrist Anna Lembke explains how our physiology is designed to keep pleasure and pain in balance. This means that after we have indulged in pleasure (a dopamine hit) our body wants to balance this out by increasing the corresponding “pain” response. Our “high” is short-lived, and thus begins the addictive cycle. We evolved this way to stay motivated, and not get too comfortable or lazy.
Today, with the abundance of cheap, easy dopamine hits, we are able and motivated to keep that pleasurable feeling alive as much as possible. The problem is, we will always feel the down that follows our short-lived “high”. So we reach out for more, mistakenly believing that this time it will work. But it doesn't.
The other issue is that we have developed a lower tolerance for discomfort than in the past. While inequity still exists in our world, many of us have managed to remove much of the discomfort and insecurity our ancestors experienced regarding food, warmth, shelter, security and travel. We’ve even removed the discomfort of boredom with the advent of the smart phone. Where does this leave us? We get lost focusing on non-issues like comparing ourselves to others, complaining about first world troubles, and trying to alleviate even the smallest of discomforts.
The good news is that we can use this understanding to break free of the cycle and to create pleasurable feelings in healthier ways.
Three Ways You Can Break Your Addictive Tendencies
1. Reframe Discomfort. In his book The Comfort Crisis, Embrace Discomfort to Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self, Michael Easter argues that we have become too comfortable. That it is too cheap, easy and convenient for us to eliminate the many discomforts our ancestors faced in the past. But wasn’t that the whole goal of progress? To a degree, yes. But he makes a compelling point that we have moved the goal posts so far that we are left looking to eliminate almost all discomfort and not realizing we will always be chasing the long-tail of irritations that annoy us.
Rather than see discomfort as something you need to make go away, embrace it. Don’t panic at the first sign of hunger. Stay focused and keep working when your mind balks and wants to check email. Try to stay engaged and focused throughout your meeting even if you feel bored. Show yourself that everything doesn’t need to feel good and you don’t need to make every little inconvenience, irritation and problem go away.
2. Dopamine Fasting. Now that you have reframed discomfort, you can experiment with resetting your need for dopamine. What does this look like? Fasting or intermittent fasting to move past your need for food at the first sign of hunger. Setting boundaries and digital fasting, where you go without technology for periods of time. Quit sugar. Limit coffee. Go alcohol-free for a month. Pick just one and get started. The key is to stay playful and curious, not morally righteous. Can you ride through the discomfort to the other side where the urge dissipates, and you get to experience being free of needing the pleasure all the time? Yes you can!
3. Press on the Pain Side of the Equation. Instead of focusing on the pleasure side of the pleasure-pain balance, go the other way. The neuroscience indicates that you can find more joy and pleasure in life by briefly exposing yourself to uncomfortable events. This is because the nervous system is designed to bring things back to balance. I’ve reintroduced a cold shower to the end of my showers. It was hard at first, but now it’s easy, and I feel invigorated afterwards. Endorphins feel good!
Embracing any of life’s difficulties or discomforts is a step in this direction. Michael Easter challenges us to “Go outside and be cold or hungry for a few days — be uncomfortable”. Periodically run, swim, workout, or hike outside of your comfort zone and test yourself, taking health and safety into account. This builds confidence, feels great when the challenging experience is over, and diminishes your need for pleasure all the time.
How About You?
How do you seek out dopamine in unproductive ways during the day? What if you could break the cycle and be free of its grip? And where have you lost your tolerance for life’s minor discomforts? What if you could more mindfully notice, accept and ignore them without needing to chase dopamine and make them go away?
To learn how you can be more resilient, focused and at ease in a dopamine-rich world, check out webinars like Finding Focus in the Age of Distraction on my website. Or reach out to me directly to learn more about how coaching can support you to break the bad habits that are holding you back and install the good habits you need to be at your best.
