When things go sideways, where are you? When there is trouble, are you the one they call? Are you the Hero who jumps in with both feet, solves the problem and saves the day?
On the surface, being a Hero seems like a good thing and definitely can be at times. We need people to step up and make a difference. And it is appreciated. Most of us have been rewarded throughout our career for our ability to jump in, be smart, determined and fix things. But it becomes a trap. As our careers progress there comes a time where our heroic efforts are more detrimental than helpful, to ourselves, our colleagues and our families.
The Problem with Being the Hero
The biggest problem with being the Hero is the results we get. Our calendar becomes overbooked. Our energy and focus become scattered and frazzled. We are unable to do our best work because we are spread too thin. At times we can become negative, feeling more the martyr than the hero. We limit the growth of others, and we often have little time or energy left over for our family or ourselves. This is not us at our best!
It’s not surprising that we caught in this trap. Many highly competent and driven people develop a Hero identity because they are good at solving problems and they are given increasingly complex issues to address throughout their career. But as we evolve in our profession, there is an increasing need to empower others to solve problems.
Or better yet, there is a need to create a team and the systems and processes that minimize problems before they arise! When you do root cause analysis after the fact, you often find that almost every problem could have been prevented through better upstream choices and actions.
The challenge for many people is in giving up the identity of Hero. They like and even become addicted to the sense of being valued through this identity.
The Alchemist as an Alternative Identity
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, would say that if you want to change a habit (in this case that of jumping in as the Hero), the quickest way to do this would be to change your identity; to see yourself in a new role that is different from you as the Hero.
There are lots of options here that could work for someone: coach, teacher or mentor as a start. Your behaviour in these identities will look very different than you as the Hero.
I like the idea of the Alchemist as a potential identity. Alchemy was an ancient form of study which aimed to convert ordinary base metals into gold. While the actual practice is ungrounded by science, the metaphor can be very useful.
Think of a great leader you have worked with or have observed in your career. Without fail, these people seem to have an extraordinary ability to bring out the best in people, often turning ordinary people and ordinary teams into the extraordinary (sort of like turning base metal into gold). They see the limits of their 1X individual heroic ability to keep solving the problems. So, they set aside their ego and derive greater satisfaction in bringing out the best in others, often creating a 10X ability to execute their mission.
How to Do This in Practice
Ultimately, it takes some time, energy, intention and repetition to hone a new mindset around who you are or how you show up. A coach can be very helpful in this stage. In the absence of that, here are two simple questions to ask yourself as you go through your day:
1. What do I want? Think about your higher level goals and not just reacting in the moment. Usually people who are caught in the Hero trap have a higher level goal of more space, peace or calm in their world. Most people also want to see other grow.
2. OK, now what needs to get to done (to make that happen). Once we are clear on what we want, this immediately focuses our action.
This is a powerful combination of clarity and choice. On Autopilot we forget all of this. We react. We are too busy solving problems to pause, step back and ask the first question, let alone the second question.
As you might expect, I believe mindfulness and meditation practices can be enablers in this. They help you build the muscle to come out of Autopilot and make clearer and better choices.
How About You or Your Team?
You can tell whether you are in Hero or Alchemist mode simply by looking at where you spend your time and energy during the day. In Hero mode, there will be far less time spent developing others and far more responding to urgent challenges and invitations to help solve more and more issues. Same goes if you look at where your team members spends their time. Your culture might be one that creates more Heroes.
The other way you can tell if this is an issue is if it feels like you have to say yes to these problems (because no one else can or will take it on). This is usually a sign that you are caught in the trap. This is where a coach or mentor can be very helpful in supporting a leader to see their choices and behaviour with greater clarity.
Conclusion
Our society tends to glorify the Hero. And, yes, there are many times when being heroic is crucial and should be rewarded and celebrated. The challenge is that it can become a trap; one that is hard to see once you are caught in it. The beauty of being human is that we have the ability to see past our habits and to choose a new path. We can pick a new identity that serves us and everyone around us better. While still retaining the choice to be heroic when needed!
For more information on how you or someone on your team can learn the tools they need to grow past their current identity, please reach out to me at scott@mindfulwisdom. Or check out the Coaching page on my website.