The question was innocent enough. “Where is all of this headed? I mean, life is pretty good right now and I’m not sure that I need this.”
This was a brilliant and bold question from one of the participants in a recent Train Your Brain series I was running at a forward-thinking company. Brilliant, in that it went straight to the heart of the matter. Bold, in that I never imagined at this stage of the training anyone would still be asking this question, believing we had covered this earlier.
So, rather than go back over the many benefits of mindfulness, I gave a short rant on why I bother with this practice. My response went something like this:
Well, I don’t know about you, but in my life…
I was tired of being a bit of a dickhead Dad. Meaning, I was tired of over-reacting to my children when they did something that didn’t match or meet with my expectations. I mean things like not finishing their entire breakfast, clearing their bowl, not tucking away shoes or hanging their coat, leaving a book or toy lying around (after multiple requests to pick it up), resisting brushing their teeth or having a shower, etc. Basically, I was over-reacting to kids being kids and creating a lot of unnecessary and unhelpful drama and angst in all of our lives.
I was also tired of too regularly giving my attention to an app, news feed, game, email, TV show or non-urgent task – rather than keeping my focus where it needed to be or shifting my attention to my children or partner with kindness and care when they needed it.
I was tired of feeling like there is always something else, somewhere else or someone else that I needed to do/be/get back to.
I was tired of waking up at 3:00 am and having my brain spool up almost instantly into looping thoughts about the previous day, or some problem I was struggling with or what was coming the next day; and taking more than hour to fall back to sleep, if I ever fully did.
I was tired of going for a walk or a bike ride and not really being there, but being lost in thought.
I was tired of over-analyzing whether what I did was enough or too much. And,
I was tired of being tired and reaching for an escape from it all (Internet surfing, reading, TV), only to feel frustrated and often disappointed with how I spent that time.
I wrapped up by saying that overall, I was simply tired of the mental chatter, noise, distraction, self-judgment and unproductive patterns that my mind was generating in a number of areas of my life.
I paused and added, if you don’t have any of that, then you don’t need to learn these tools and practices. You already are more aware, more present, more open and flexible, more accepting of people and circumstances in your world, more compassionate and more focused in your world than many of us. Overall, you are doing awesome and you are an inspiration to the rest of us! But if you feel you are falling short of being the person you aspire to be, and you want to do something about it – that’s where all of this is headed.
Somehow, a list of benefits of mindfulness and the supporting neuroscience didn't resonate with him. But my rant did and he said "Thanks, now I get it."
An Operating Manual for My Brain
My story has been a journey of small miracles. As I’ve learned a variety of mindfulness practices and how to better use my breath, it has been like finally having an operating manual for my brain. There are now countless times where I make better choices, often miraculously better choices than I used to. Again, in my own world this was most clear with my kids who are often my biggest triggers, but it spills over into all areas of my life. It’s not perfect and sometimes I wish it was easier, but it is so much better than before. There are also countless times where I appreciate the fleeting beauty of it all in a way I missed before.
What I came to realize was that my survival/limbic brain was being triggered far too often without me even being aware of it. That I was far more deeply wired for order and control than I realized. That I carried far more judgment and resentment than I needed. All of which leads to a less than clear mind, difficulty staying open-minded when met with unmet expectations, and a pattern of overreacting in some of my key relationships.
Having done the work, I have come to realize that there are very few real threats in my world. In fact, as you shift your perspective you start to realize that “There's treasure everywhere!”, to quote a classic Calvin and Hobbes comic (which is worth Googling if you haven't seen it). And once I realized that – well, it was a game-changer – as it opened the door to a world of thinking, feeling and behaving that seemed completely unavailable to me before.
Are You Ready to Break the Pattern?
What about you? Are you tired of the repeating patterns in your life? I’m talking about the unhealthy ones that take you off course from the person you strive to be. Are you ready to learn how to manage this amazing 3 lb. organ called your brain? Such that you can better manage looping thoughts, distractibility, over-reactivity, resentment, stress and anxiety and actually experience more peace, calm, flow and joy in your days. Maybe now is the time where you are ready to ‘break the pattern’ of old reactive behaviours? My sense is that more and more of us are, and perhaps you are one of them.
Conclusion
I’m clear in my mind on own mind on why I do this practice – it has helped me break some highly unhelpful patterns and makes me a better parent and a better person. I also know there are more challenges ahead and that old patterns tend to creep back, so I need to keep at it.
If you identify with some of the things I got tired of, or you recognize some of the unproductive behaviours in you or your team, now is the time to take action. And I would love to be your guide on this amazing.
To learn more about me and how I teach people to be more resilient, focused and connected to the people in their lives, please schedule a FREE consultation with me HERE.