Yesterday we did the hard thing – the one that we knew was coming but our minds kept hoping would come another day. Perhaps, a day when we were more ready. We said goodbye to our 15-years-and 8 months-old family dog Rudy. And if you have ever had to say goodbye to a beloved pet, you know exactly how that feels. Ugh.
But this isn’t a post about grief or loss. It is about recognizing how fleeting and beautiful everything is and remembering to pause and truly appreciate it.
Impermanence and Acceptance
Through my mindfulness practice I’ve become heartbreakingly aware of the notion of impermanence. The idea that nothing stays the same forever and that there is nothing we can do about that – no matter how much we wish otherwise. For me, I see this so clearly in nature, whether it is in a beautiful sunrise, the setting crescent moon, the bloom of flowers in Spring, the brilliant colours of autumn leaves or the serene stillness of new fallen snow. It is all so beautiful - and then it is gone.
And it is the same process, only on a longer time frame, with our pets, children, partners, parents, colleagues, teams and all other aspects of our lives. The wisdom that helps us navigate this constant change is the idea of acceptance – that as we come to accept impermanence and not fight it, it frees us up to experience it more fully and even joyfully.
And Then There is Kindness
Of the many life lessons an unconditionally loving, impressively athletic, regal, curious, yet anxious, slightly neurotic and frustratingly stubborn at times animal has taught me (Rudy was a Vizsla after all), I think the most important is kindness. I have few regrets as I look back, seeing that he had an amazing life with us. But I do believe there were times when I could have been more patient, kind and loving. It is so easy for our brains to get wrapped up in our world, our commitments, desires and goals, etc. and we can all too easily lose sight of others and forget about things that matter most.
For example, as Rudy got older, our once athletic dog developed a strong desire to take his time on his walks, taking a long sniff at every pole, bush and hydrant. Many times, I impatiently tried to hurry him along, feeling the need to get back to my own schedule and agenda. It wasn’t until we realized that his time was almost up that I was able to slow down, be fully, happily present with him while he completed a near forensic investigation of every pole, bush and hydrant.
A Wish for You This Holiday Season
All of which brings me to the holidays, which can be a hard time for many of us. Despite the promise of being “the most wonderful time of the year”, it is often very stressful, exhausting and, for some, it can be just plain difficult. Getting together with relatives is great, except when they do the things that drive us nuts or stir up old patterns. Or we may find ourselves with too many commitments, or navigating broken families (e.g., divorced parents sharing kids), or the loss of a loved one, or family conflict over whose family to spend Christmas with, or unmet expectations, or financial issues (e.g., can’t afford to buy all the gifts), etc.
So, I have two wishes for you as you go through the Holiday Season in whatever fashion or tradition you observe:
1. First, I wish that you are able to slow down, be present and find joy and gratitude in the smallest moments, recognizing that 2019 will be over before you know it. As you slow down, you will notice moments of absolute joy and beauty – that are there for a fleeting moment if you catch them – then, like a sunset, gone forever. Even in the mundane. And as you slow down, hopefully you will be able to find gratitude for all of the blessings in your life. As I write this from my home office, my rowdy children are being annoyingly loud and silly. And, while it does make it hard to concentrate, I can appreciate the chaos my happy, healthy children bring to my home.
2. My second wish is that as you are being present - try to find more kindness. There will be many moments where things don’t go the way you want (traffic, crowded malls, snow, rain, under-cooked turkey, over-cooked turkey, family members who say the wrong thing, super long check-out line at Chapters, etc). You get the point! When we can navigate these moments with kindness, we can sometimes find peace and joy in the situation. At a minimum, we won’t feel like a schmuck later for our less than optimal behaviour. And you never know who around you might be hurting at this time of year - your kindness might make a world of difference to them.
Smile, savor it and find kindness. Like a beautiful sunset, it is all over before you know it.
And for Rudy – it was a great run my friend! You’ve taught me much. We will toast you and cherish all the memories you left us with.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please feel free to share your comments.
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