I don’t think I’m alone in this; sometimes I wish I could just get instant results or a quicker fix with some of the problems in my life. I want my low back pain to go away, and my physiotherapist provides me with some deep core exercises that she is confident will help it. But I stop doing them after a few days because they are tedious, and it feels like nothing is happening.
Maybe you experience this in your world too? Have you ever embarked on a diet or a new exercise program, only to quit long before you see results? Or perhaps you have decided this will be the year when you get more organized or not get sucked into email as often, but you find it maddeningly hard to resist your old ways.
Or at an organizational level, perhaps your team wants to implement an important change initiative in your organization and your change management expert recommends a thoughtfully designed change process that is aimed at high adoption and integration. But there are multiple change initiatives that all seem urgent and you feel like you don’t have the time to do what the expert suggests. So, you push the change out quickly and tell everyone they will just need to adapt.
This is the plight of many of us as individuals, parents, managers and leaders. So often, we want to change or improve something in our lives, but we struggle to stay consistent and persistent with the work needed to do it. What we want is a quick fix – but these are typically band-aid solutions that do not support long-term change. Most meaningful change requires a lot of effort. But when the change takes more effort than our old ways, before long, it seems like it’s more painful than just going with what we know. So, we go back to that.
What’s Going on in Your Brain?
Lots!
First, fixing ‘problems’ often involves changing thinking, beliefs and habits – which is hard. Extremely hard! In many ways our nervous system is wired to resist and resent change. Existing beliefs and habits have been grooved in over a long period of time and they are wired in strong, whereas the new behavior is not wired in at all. Hence the dozens of new diets, fitness programs, leadership and habit change books coming out every year – often saying pretty much the same thing as last year. It helps to recognize and appreciate just how truly difficult this challenge is.
Second, over the past decade we have increasingly become conditioned to expect quick fixes to the problems in our lives. The miracle of our phones (and much of the other tech in our world, from Amazon to Alexa) is that it works so well, so easily and so quickly. I think many of us are now conditioned to expect this in all areas of our lives and become impatient with anything less.
Third, we try to change too many things at once, when we would be better off picking one thing and zeroing in on it. Or, the gap between where we are and where we want to be is too big, such that we become overwhelmed or discouraged before we ever get to see any results.
Lastly and importantly, even the words ‘fix’ or ‘problem’ creates a tension in our mind. I think that the whole notion of fixing and changing things is the wrong mindset. It becomes one more task, one more thing to do when we are already feeling maxed out. The whole approach grinds on us more than it excites us.
What’s the Fix?
1. First, think creating rather than fixing! Or another way to look at it is “What do you want more of in your life?” Increasingly, I prefer this approach and use it when coaching others or moving myself in a new direction.
When you shift your thinking to “What do you want more of?” or “What do you want to create in your life?”, you shift your entire nervous system. A mindset of creating elicits a “towards” response in our brain and our natural curiosity to explore. Fixing or change elicits more of a threat or “away” response, as it often feels like there is something wrong with us or we are going to give something up (which you may; likely some of your old habits). Focusing on something you truly want (not just mildly desire) or what you are creating is far easier to swallow and it will naturally squeeze out that which you don’t want.
2. Second, be prepared to invest in this. This will take more effort than spending a few minutes searching Amazon and having Amazon Prime deliver it to you in two days! A quick fix is never going to truly solve your problems or help you make meaningful change. You are going past a quick fix and you are most likely going beyond DIY. If you are serious about bringing more of whatever you want into your world, invest in someone with the expertise to help you (a coach, trainer, expert, etc.).
3. Third, have a little faith, be persistent and enjoy the journey! Shift your mindset to see that this is the exact opposite of a quick fix. As humans, we are also deeply wired to create and there is intrinsic satisfaction in and of creating itself. See it as more of a journey and see if you can enjoy the ups and downs. Expect that it won’t go exactly as planned and that’s part of the story. But keep the faith that you can get there. And do set milestones that can be more easily achieved and reward your efforts as you achieve these.
What About You?
What do you want to create more of in 2020? How can you use the ideas presented here to shift how you approach change? What happens if you move from looking for a quick fix to approaching this as a thoughtfully chosen, creative and committed journey, where the journey is as good as the destination?
And for those of you who are tired of your judging or looping thoughts, or tired of being so reactive, or your inability to focus, and tired of trying to fix this on your own, please reach out to me so that we can schedule a time to connect. My expertise is bringing these insights and practices to you in a way that you “get it”, and then I hold you accountable to do the work. This is a proven formula to get you the results you want: a calmer, wiser, more focused mind and a more intentional, meaningful and joyful life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please feel free to share your comments. To learn more about me and how I teach people to be more resilient, focused and connected to the people in their lives, please schedule a FREE consultation with me HERE.