It’s been over two months now since COVID-19 completely altered our world in ways we never could have imagined. And while in some areas, restrictions are slowly starting to ease, our 'new normal' is still vastly different from the one we knew just a few months ago (but which feels so distant now).
While many of us are starting to adapt to this supposed 'new normal' in our own ways, most of us are still experiencing a variety of challenges and hardships. Even if you haven’t lost your job and you are healthy, you may still be struggling some days.
There is a Hierarchy to Our Needs
Maslow’s pyramid model suggests that humans have a hierarchy of needs; where basic needs, such as our physiological needs (food, water) and safety needs (security, safety), sit at the bottom of the model. Our early human ancestors would have spent most of their time here and not had the luxury of thinking about their next vacation.
These basic needs must be satisfied before you will expend energy on fulfilling higher up psychological needs such as belonging and self-esteem. And only when those psychological needs are met, might we begin to explore our need for self-actualization.
First, recognize that Maslow's model is a simplification and more about providing perspective, and not meant to be categoric. Prior to COVID-19, I think many of us were unwittingly living our lives high up in the hierarchy of needs. We were searching for mastery at work and in other aspects of our lives. We were traveling frequently and seeking out new adventure in our life. Life is good when your basic needs are met!
However, in the past couple of months, not many of us have been thinking about skydiving, new adventures or other far reaches of achievement! We’ve all had our foundations rattled and I think most of us have felt our basic needs threatened in a way we never imagined. Not to mention that our psychological needs for connection with others have been challenged.
So, if you’re not feeling at the top of your game, crushing it at work, having a blast connecting with friends and mastering some new adrenaline sport, you are not alone. Our world has changed and part of the malaise you may be feeling is a sense of loss and grief around not living the life of freedom and privilege that we’ve been enjoying.
And some of that unease you are feeling, even if you have a job and are relatively secure, is the backdrop of threats to your health and finances that continues to be felt.
So, What You Can Do
It all starts with awareness. That’s why I encourage people to pause and reflect. It is easy for us to get so caught up in our world that we don’t even notice how we have been affected by this - and we have all been affected. Awareness means pausing, slowing down, sensing and being present to both your inner and outer worlds.
Once you are aware, you have more data to work with. Once you see things more clearly, there is the opportunity to shift things in helpful ways.
1. Start with Acceptance and Non-judgment. Before jumping into ‘solutions’, I encourage people to pause and check in with their thinking. If you are having strong emotions and are reacting to your world (angry, avoiding, resenting or bemoaning your situation), you are likely in a state which includes lots of non-acceptance and judgment. Practicing acceptance and non-judgment is like dumping rocks out of your backpack; clearing away negative thinking that is weighing you down. There is so much right now that we have little or no control over. Recognize this and let it go. Energy spent complaining about it or trying to fight against it is wasted.
2. Focus on What’s in Your Control: I’ve been saying this a lot in my webinars and articles these days and it bears repeating; focus on what is in your control. Right now, it is impossible to find (or bring) security and certainty to so many aspects of our world. Which means our basic need around security will feel out of balance. The antidote? Shift your focus strongly back to what is in your control. Create certainty where you can. Things like your routines. Practices that ground and centre you. Exercise. Sleep. Diet. Mindset. Meditation. Connection.
3. Cultivate Connections: We desperately need to feel we belong, be it with friends, colleagues, family or neighbours. Research shows that strong social connections are one of the strongest indicators of a health and longevity.
Regularly and purposely reach out and connect with people in your various circles. See if you can make it a regular part of your schedule, so you know when it is going to happen (which also increases certainty in your world).
For example, there is a group of a dozen or so women in my neighbourhood who I’ve seen sitting in a big circle in the park on a couple of Friday evenings. I think that’s awesome that they’ve organized this, and it also makes our community feel much richer for the rest of us.
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
― Haruki Murakami
Conclusion
There will be more challenges ahead for all of us and we will need a positive mindset and sturdy mental tools to get us through this. Skills related to awareness, presence, acceptance and non-judgment are at the heart of a mindfulness practice and they can provide us with much needed resilience through difficult times.
Every day we will be challenged and we will have a chance to hone our skills. Will our circumstances beat us down today? Some days it will. Or will you smile, knowing that you can’t change what is happening, but you can find a way to feel secure knowing that you are taking care of what you can and that you will get through this? This is what we all need.
Practice accepting the world in its evolving ‘new normal’ as best you can. Sure, we'd all like it to be different, but this is what we have to work with.
Practice accepting that you may no longer be living the life you enjoyed nearer the top of the pyramid of needs (at least for some time). Yes, this sucks. But this too will pass.
Focus on what you can control. It really is our only point of leverage and it creates a sense of certainty when there is little elsewhere.
Nurture and cultivate meaningful connections. This is how humans have survived hardship over the millennia - together.
By attending as best you can to your basic needs, you will feel yourself moving back up a rung or two on Maslow’s hierarchy and freeing yourself up to better survive/thrive through the challenging times ahead and helping others to do the same.
To learn more about the "Resilience and Mindfulness Tools For Challenging Times" webinar I've been delivering for organizations to support their people through these times, please contact me at scott@mindfulwisdom.ca.
Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this post. Please share your thoughts and comments, as we all learn from each other.