Have you ever had a huge reaction to someone or a situation, where you blew things out of proportion and were less than your rational self? It could have been a perceived injustice at work, thinking someone purposely went around you and your team? Or perhaps a perceived lack of transparency around why you didn’t get a promotion or project file?
Whatever the circumstances, you felt wronged in the moment and had a strong emotional reaction over it. At our worst, we can say or do things we regret later. Not only do these situations compromise our productivity in the moment, they can significantly compromise our relationships, career growth, physical and mental wellbeing.
A trigger is where you perceive (correctly or incorrectly) that one of your core values or needs is being ignored or violated in some way. They evoke a very strong emotional reaction, burning up mental and emotional energy as your brain (and ego) become consumed with defending yourself and righting the wrong. This limbic brain reaction will look like ‘fight’, where you are more than prepared to battle over this, or ‘flight’, where you completely check out. And in our current challenging times, increasing political polarization, social issues and standing for what is ‘right’, we are all susceptible to being triggered more than ever.
Becoming a mature, skillful adult means learning how to go beyond our limbic reactions, and learning to navigate these difficult situations with increasing clarity, understanding and wisdom.
My Own Personal Hurricane
I still get triggered, but thanks to maturity, experience and a disciplined mindfulness practice it happens less often and isn’t as intense as it used to be.
Recently though, I had full amygdala hijack to something someone did. I was fully triggered by the perceived wrongness of their actions. The disrespect. The unfairness. And the more I thought about it, the more ‘right’ I felt I was about the whole situation and the more ‘wrong’ their actions became.
Much like a hurricane that starts as a low-pressure system over the Atlantic, as my thoughts spooled up, they became ever faster, angrier and more righteous, taking me from a tropical storm to a full-blown hurricane. I couldn’t sleep. I was consumed by this one situation and was determined to show them how wrong they were.
A Whisper in the Hurricane
In the heat of the triggered response, you are so convinced that you are ‘right’ that it doesn’t dawn on you that you might not be seeing things clearly.
This time, I was able to notice these small, fleeting and seemingly insignificant thoughts. Thoughts like “maybe things aren’t the way I perceive them?” Or “while this seems like a really big deal right now, this too will pass.”
Noticing these fleeting thoughts might sound trivial, but it is actually huge. In the raging winds of thoughts and strong emotions, my previous experience has been to be so consumed by it all that I couldn’t hear rationality in the background. You may have experienced this?
Yet, this time it was like hearing “a whisper in a hurricane”. Quiet, calm, grounded, and wise; saying “You know Scott, this will all blow over and isn’t nearly as big a deal as you are making it out to be right now”.
I share this learning to hopefully help you. The next time you have an irrationally strong emotional response, an overwhelming sense of right, or anytime that you are in a hurricane of thoughts and big emotions, that in itself is a big flag that you are triggered.
What Can You Do?
1. First, when you are triggered, notice and accept that you are having an triggered limbic brain response. The hardest part is just noticing that you are triggered, since this kind of noticing easily gets lost in the hurricane. Then move to acceptance “Wow, I’m really triggered here and I’m going to need to ride it out with care.”
2. Do no harm. When we are triggered, our full defensive systems are activated – fight, flight and even freeze. Lots of defensive or even vindictive thoughts will bubble up. Don’t act on any of them. If you can’t do anything ‘good’ in the moment, at least don’t say or do anything stupid that you will regret later.
3. Movement and self-care. There is a LOT of mental and emotional energy in these experiences and that energy needs an outlet. I couldn’t sleep and meditation was impossible. So, I was up and walking the dog at 5:30 am. I did pushups. I went for another walk. Use movement to release some of the energy and you will feel your emotional limbic brain start to slow down.
4. Gratitude. When we are focused on our self and how “I have been wronged”, our instinctual response is fight or flight. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to this, as it moves our mind out of our self-absorption, back into the bigger world we are part of and calms the limbic response. No matter what is happening in our lives, there is always much to be grateful for and most of our troubles are small in the grand scheme of things.
5. Mindfulness Practice. Managing triggers (big and small) is just one of the many reasons I practice. It allows me to bring more stillness, spaciousness and presence to my mind’s activity. Noticing your thoughts and emotions is a skill that all of us can learn and well worth having in your toolbox.
This takes effort and practice, but the rewards are so worth it. It is the difference between “Ah man, I overreacted – again” and having to clean up your mess (again), versus showing up to life’s difficulties and disappointments with grace, calm, not taking things personally and acting with wisdom. “Wow, I’ve come a long way and I’m so grateful I have the tools to navigate challenges like these!” is the mature, skillful experience we all desire.
Conclusion
Being a wise, mature and responsible human is hard some days. Really hard. But we can learn ways to find wisdom and grace even amidst some of our most difficult moments.
Learning to hear the “whisper in the hurricane” helps us live better in all areas of our lives. This same “whisper of wisdom” can show up in many ways throughout the day if we listen. Guiding us as we make choices about where to place our focus, what to eat or drink, what to say, etc.
As we carry on through these challenging times, the world needs all of us to be more calm, aware and wise. Decide for yourself that this is a skill you want to add to your toolbox, practice it and watch for yourself how the next time someone or something triggers you, you can hear your own whispers of wisdom in the hurricane of thoughts and emotions. Let me know how you do!
Thank you for reading this post. Please share your thoughts and comments, as we all learn from each other.
I train CPAs how to delete the overwhelm, discern what matters most, and drive their future. If you want to level up your resilience skills and enjoy the many benefits of having a trained mind, please email me at scott@mindfulwisdom.ca or visit www.mindfulwisdom.ca to learn more. Or try this 2-minute assessment to see how your brain is doing. I would love to learn more about your world and to explore what you are looking to create more of in your life. Stay safe, stay focused on what matters most and stay positive!